My friend Ray is a buddy from the highland games. Ray just started three years ago but he's been a shotputter all his life and is strong as a bull so he hands me my ass every time we throw together. However, we both know at this age the Big Win is just being on the GO side of the fence, and he's a really nice guy. His wife's name is Jackie. She's a little fireplug, she's started throwing, too. In addition to being a lifelong weightlifter, Jackie is also an herbalist.

Jackie and Ray's son was killed at the beginning of April, riding his scooter to a Sharks game (hockey). Somebody ran a red light and snuffed out his life. The last time I saw Ray, we talked and he cried, told me that hadn't been able to control the tears for a few weeks. I just said... "Ray, you lost your SON. I think you can cry a few tears. You sure aren't bothering me by feeling the pain of losing your kid." Jackie has been pretty messed up. She went to the Games the last weekend in April, Ray said it was the first time she'd been out of the house, except for the memorial service.

I just talked to Ray. He's doing better but Jackie has not been doing well. There's been a lot of talk about brewing up a tea that would end their lives and she hasn't left their property since that Games in April. He says the "tea" talk has stopped for about two weeks now, but he's still worried she's going to do something bad.

None of you know Ray and Jackie, but I think everybody can resonate with the pain of losing your kid.

If you have kids, now might be a good time to pick up the phone and tell them that you love them and have a little talk. If you haven't connected in a while, there's no time like the present. If you're a parent who is really close to your grown-up kids, you are a very lucky person. I think you did something right, all those years.

Anyway, there's nothing I can do here but be kind to the both of them when I see them. I can't go invading their privacy at home, but Ray and Jackie are on my mind a lot right now.

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1. Tue Jul 02 07:47 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
   Pepin said:

   Kubler-Ross could be a bit overbearing and verbose,but she was probably right that overcoming grief is a stepped process.

2. Tue Jul 02 01:03 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
   ~bambou~ said:

3. Mon Jul 01 11:41 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
   Gabrieli said:

   Jackie just posted a meme on social media that reads...

   "Be the things you loved most about the people who are gone."

   I'm taking this as a good sign.

4. Mon Jul 01 10:30 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
   Bala said:

   You are a friend..glad they have you!

5. Mon Jul 01 10:17 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
   Ppink said:

   Prayers

6. Mon Jul 01 09:39 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
   peach said:

7. Mon Jul 01 09:27 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
   CQ said:

   So hard to know what to say a such times. But I think that when the time comes, you'll do okay.

8. Mon Jul 01 08:36 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
   {alicat} said:

9. Mon Jul 01 07:56 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
   GIPSY***- said:

   
   

10. Mon Jul 01 07:00 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
    Pepin said:

    You know this but I'll say it anyway. Be as supportive as you can be,within reason.

11. Mon Jul 01 02:58 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
    Gabrieli said:

    To repeat again...I TALKED with Ray: As in texted and then called. I will see Ray in two weeks at practice and again the first weekend in August. Hopefully Jackie will be there in August.

12. Mon Jul 01 01:51 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
    Delilah said:

    And Bitchlyone is right. If they're on your mind, please ring them. They may not want to talk, or they may, but whichever, it will let them know you care and you're there for them.

13. Mon Jul 01 01:48 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
    Delilah said:

    I haven't lost a child - can't even begin to imagine how that would feel - but I lost the love of my life 10 years ago, very suddenly. I still cry when it hits hard. Love and strength to Ray and Jackie, and prayers for comfort.

14. Mon Jul 01 00:00 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
    Gioia said:

15. Sun Jun 30 22:30 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
    Amaryllis said:

16. Sun Jun 30 22:30 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
    Bitchlyone- said:

    You say .."I think everybody can resonate with the pain of losing your kid" That is not true. Until you have lost a CHILD no matter their age you have no clue the kind of pain involved and it's duration.
    You say there is nothing you can do. Calling Ray and just talking is not invading privacy and if they are both on your mind then stay in touch.

    After loosing a child many friends do not call because they do not know what to say or some friends disconnect altogether.

    The sentence "Ray, you lost your SON. I think you can cry a few tears. You sure aren't bothering me by feeling the pain of losing your kid." maybe speaks volumes as to why you think there's nothing you can do.

    I am truly sorry for your friends loss. It is horrible to lose a child to death. It changes your life forever from the moment their heart stops beating and you continue to live.

17. Sun Jun 30 22:10 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
    cait~ said:

18. Sun Jun 30 21:44 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
    enyah said:

19. Sun Jun 30 21:00 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
    krysta said:

20. Sun Jun 30 20:45 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
    Mercury said:

21. Sun Jun 30 20:22 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
    cory{BI} said:

22. Sun Jun 30 19:57 ~ - Subject: * - 0 reaction(s)
    Orlando said:

    There's no time like the present.

    I'm sorry this happened to your friends.