thrusts

Twerk

GUIDEPOST #2

CULTIVATING SELF-COMPASSION: Letting Go of Perfectionism

Where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking. In fact, shame is the birthplace of perfectionism.

Myths about perfectionism:

• Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if are perfect, we can avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It’s a shield we think will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from taking flight. It’s stopping us from being seen.


• Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance. We adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect. Healthy striving is self-focused—How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused—What will they think?

Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life-paralysis.

Life-paralysis refers to all of the opportunities we miss because we’re too afraid to put anything out in the world that could be imperfect. It’s also all of the dreams that we don’t follow because of our deep fear of failing, making mistakes, and disappointing others. It’s terrifying to risk when you’re a perfectionist; your self-worth is on the line.

Perfectionism is:

• Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, live perfect, work perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.


• Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception—we want to be perceived as perfect. Again, this is unattainable—there is no way to control perception, regardless of how much time and energy we spend trying.


• Perfectionism is addictive because when we invariably do experience shame, judgment, and blame, we often believe it’s because we weren’t perfect enough. So rather than questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, we become even more entrenched in our quest to live, look, and do everything just right.


• Feeling shamed, judged, and blamed (and the fear of these feelings) are realities of the human experience. Perfectionism actually increases the odds that we’ll experience these painful emotions and often leads to self-blame: It’s my fault. I’m feeling this way because “I’m not good enough.”

To overcome perfectionism, we need to be able to acknowledge our vulnerabilities to the universal experiences of shame, judgment, and blame; develop shame resilience; and practice self-compassion.

It is in the process of embracing our imperfections that we find our truest gifts: courage, compassion, and connection.

So, if we want to live and love with our whole hearts, how do we keep perfectionism from sabotaging our efforts?

Compassion.

First, speak about your imperfections in a tender and honest way, and without shame and fear. Second, be slow to judge yourself and others.

Tweak

Yup Boe your knicks looking good
Beware of pesky pacers tho.they seem to be a pain at times they dont miss.good luck to knicks tho🙂

pretty :)

This next section is also going to be a hard one for me -- but it's what I think I have to do in order to free my creativity.
This next stuff is where my writer's block comes from.

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Morning rattlers 🙂 thanks Boe for coffee☕ up early here asshat mowers at lawn 8 am.. for jesus christ sake no one cares if grass not mowed no grass police im aware of..👺 lol oh well trys to make best of day..heads to garden to get 🥫🥫🥫 of stuff lol🚙🚙🚙 zoom lol

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DIG DEEP

Get Deliberate: Find a mantra, word, or saying that grounds you!
For example: “Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand on your sacred ground.” Saying this little mantra helps me remember not to get small so other people are comfortable and not to throw up my armor as a way to protect myself.

Get Inspired: I’m inspired by everyone who shares their work and opinions with the world. Courage is contagious.

Get Going: I try to make authenticity my number one goal when I go into a situation where I’m feeling vulnerable. If authenticity is my goal and I keep it real, I never regret it. I might get my feelings hurt, but I rarely feel shame. When acceptance or approval becomes my goal, and it doesn’t work out, that can trigger shame for me: “I’m not good enough.” If the goal is authenticity and they don’t like me, I might feel disappointment, frustration, or even grief, but I’m okay. If the goal is being liked and they don’t like me, I’m in trouble. I get going by making authenticity the priority.

MY REFLECTION: I think that third item above, Get Going is the one that hits me the hardest. It's an incredibly good point. If my goal is to be authentic and keep it real and I get rejected, yes it will really hurt. But it hurts more to puff up and offend while trying to defend against shame, or to shrink down and not be seen at all. Those are worse feelings. It's better to have the goal of authenticity and just being fully present in an exchange with permission from yourself to Do You. When the goal is to be liked or to please people or impress people.... then that failure hurts far more and has shame attached because it's a sell-out on the self. It's compromising the self for the sake of a return on investment in the form of approval that may never come. At least taking risks and being real to yourself doesn't come with a layer of selling oneself out. HOWEVER, this really does mean being dialed in enough with the self to even KNOW what is authentic in the moment. It's not easy to drown out all the noise of being activated while hustling for worthiness, to be able to even hear that little voice inside that is Me. Sometimes, I can't hear it at all.

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https://cdni.pornpics.com/1280/7/662/51044567/51044567_071_1d2e.jpg

i always love seeing artistic embodiment's pics in here mmmmm thank u

out

Morning hooters folks merry wensday🙂 poor Boe tangled up in many projects helps the best i can
Makes sure hooters clean makes hot water for coffee and tea hopes that helps a bit🙂 tosses out the
Serve your self sign 🙂🙂

DALLIANCE**\ ~ has started a new game with the following players:
DALLIANCE**\ ~

" S T A R T G A M E : t r u e "{ " g a m e I d " : " 1 7 1 5 7 8 3 4 5 4 " , " p l a y e r L i s t " : [ " d a l l i a n c e " ] , " r o l l N u m b e r " : 0 , " c u r r e n t P l a y e r " : 0 , " d i c e " : { " f a c e s " : [ 0 , 0 , 0 , 0 , 0 ] , " r e r o l l " : [ t r u e , t r u e , t r u e , t r u e , t r u e ] } , " s c o r e 0 " : { " 1 " : n u l l , " 2 " : n u l l , " 3 " : n u l l , " 4 " : n u l l , " 5 " : n u l l , " 6 " : n u l l , " p l a y e r " : n u l l , " u p _ t o t a l " : n u l l , " b o n u s " : n u l l , " 3 k " : n u l l , " 4 k " : n u l l , " s s " : n u l l , " l s " : n u l l , " f h " : n u l l , " y a h _ t o k e n " : n u l l , " y " : n u l l , " c " : n u l l , " y a h _ b o n u s " : 0 , " b o t _ t o t a l " : n u l l , " g _ t o t a l " : n u l l } , " o w n e r " : " d a l l i a n c e " , " s t a t u s " : " r e a d y " , " r o u n d " : 0 , " l a s t P o s t " : 1 7 1 5 7 8 3 4 5 4 }

MY REFLECTION: Right now, I'm thinking that the big barrier I feel toward being fully real and authentic is not only the fear of being criticized, disliked, judged, or rejected in a way that would hurt so much more for being completely vulnerable, but also the idea that.... I might not be able to handle such a thing happening.

If I thought I could be Raw and show up with my full self, vulnerable and authentically engaged in whatever I might be doing... and if someone rejected that or me, I'd be just fine... I think it would be easier not to people please or, as Brene Brown says -- *hustle for my worth*.