So in may it will be a year since a pretty broken down slave was collared by her Jarl and in talking to helga last night about some revelations I had about changes within me I decided to share with a bit of encouragement from her.

The Isle and the people within, or shall I say ‘family’, have really changed me in a lot of ways but before that could happen the walls had to come down within me. I had to figure out how to find my self-esteem and self-confidence once more as mine were shot to hell. But to get those again I knew I would have to let down my walls and would have to not deny my vulnerability. And to do that, I had to do something that I don’t think I have told anyone until speaking with helga last night. See there are several things that has to happen. First you have to allow yourself to grieve your self reliance and learn once again how to lean on another person, how to ask for help, and how to expressly be honest to yourself. Next you need to give yourself “permission” to take the risk and to trust in at least one person but preferably trust those of the home in general. Do not be afraid to ask questions or to speak your opinions as you may find yourself learning more then you know. You need to give yourself “permission” to feel, to experience things from a fresh perspective and to learn to embrace your own vulnerability and acknowledge why something makes you feel that vulnerable or exposed.

All this needs to get down in the initial days of coming to the Isle and sure you can tell yourself you have done this but until you begin to accept the small changes you will never be able to accept the larger ones. In fact, I did not think I could be open minded to change myself, I thought I would cruise through training and then I was told it was time for the ritual bath. I just kinda didn’t take it seriously in the initial moments, but honey, she gave me my bath, told me to take my time with my posts and truly listen to her words and let go. I was trying to do that too but self doubt hit and I didn’t think it would effect me much until half way through I found myself wiping away the tears that were spilling down my face in real-time. By the time the bath was completed I can honestly admit that I felt rejuvenated and renewed in my spirit and soul. I really felt that my 0past had been washed away and cleansed and for the first time in god knows how many years I really was starting with a clean slate and starting fresh. I think I actually mourned that security blanket of hurts and negative thoughts and feelings that resided in me from so many bad experiences, but as a few days past I found my mind clear and not even thinking or acknowledging that baggage anymore.

That first week was filled with many things, but I remember the nervousness, the fear and the uncertainty to be in such a strange and new situation for myself. I was also trying to learn of my Owner because I knew nothing about Him and found that we had to learn how to really communicate with each other, things would have gone smoother if I wasn't constantly second guessing and having to snap my mind back to the lessons I was learning. I was almost derailed a few times in the beginning, the fact that my ooc friend and now chain sister ghosted He and I didn’t help. I had to do something I rarely have done. Ask for help, and after a few messed up attempts I finally was able to ask helga and honey for a chance to talk and get their thoughts, and then surprisingly I found help and guidance from one person I didn’t think I would ever experience due to something in my past and that was the Steward Thor.

Back on track before I knew it, I found myself truly enjoying the training. It was like I was experiencing actual training for the first time in all my years in gor. Gradually I began to feel changes in me. I found I was able to open my heart to Deimos and I honestly love him with all I am today, I was able to discover a different type of patience in me instead of lashing out in frustration, I had learned to not be afraid of asking questions to anyone and that learning how to express your feelings and emotions properly can properly define and reveal that vulnerability that we all try to conceal at times.

The Isle is home to fabulous bondmaids of a variety of personalities and talents as well as truly the strongest of gorean men that broker no mercy when it comes to their family and home and I know I am truly protected by not only my Jarl but by all here that call it home. In conclusion I would like to say to any girls in training. Take your time with it, enjoy the different activities, include another slave in some of the training lessons, things are always better with a partner after all, and more importantly, find your own ability to give yourself permission to let go and find the freedom that I have found. A truly incredible find I can assure you. And to the Jarls of the home, thank you for being so incredible, for being serious when things need to be and to be lighthearted and so so desirable at other times. Lastly I want to truly thank my Jarl Deimos, he brought me here when I was a very broken slave at that time, he guided me and supported me and corrected me and helped create the bondmaid I am now. You are so special to me and I love you intensely.

Bright one, I know I've not had a chance to interact with you much but I look forward to it. Many of us have come here for many different reasons and I use to love to compare us to the Isle of Misfit Toys. None of us are total, but as a whole we are a family. I second the sentiments below and are glad you are a part of the home.

Rianna~
And her slightly less confused typist

This is so good Scylla! I'm so happy to know that your home and collar have had such a wonderful impact upon you. Watching you grow has been a true pleasure ~smiles~

*applauds* She gets it.

you and i go back many many years, i am so proud of you my friend !!!! i was honored to give you the ritual bath, and watching you grow and blossom was a privilege..

You are correct about the training, its not a race, no one gets a medal for finishing training in warp speed, take your time, enjoy the feeling, have fun, include others its a great way to get to know the people within this family !

Love you !!!